Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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