Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
