Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
