My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
