Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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