I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
