Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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