Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
