11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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