im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
