Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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