God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
