I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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