So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
