Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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