so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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