Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
