and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
