I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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