Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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