You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
