you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
