You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
