I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
