i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
