I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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