Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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