i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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