went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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