why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize