# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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