im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
