He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
