dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
