Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
