dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
