They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
