I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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