last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
