it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
