she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
