Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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