Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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