If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i came on her dog
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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