Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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