You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
love makes seman taste better
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize