Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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