Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
