Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
PANTIES FOUND
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