Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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