My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
