You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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