i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
