Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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