dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wear drunk well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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