She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize