Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My vagina is officially offended.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
