Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
