even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
