At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize