um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
