My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
